Orgies, Threesomes and Yoga – Just Another Bookclub

The novel for this month was The Stud, and all of us agreed that now we had all actually read a Jackie Collins novel we all had an adequate foundation from which to throw shade upon them. 

Books and Pints!
Books and Pints!

The story follows the individual viewpoints of several not at all likeable characters on the late 60’s club scene: Fontaine, wealthy owner of the Hobo nightclub and wife of ageing billionaire Benjamin Khaled; Tony, an Elephant and Castle boy done good hired to manage Hobo and appease the sexual appetites of Fontaine; Finally Alexandria, butter-wouldn’t-melt schoolgirl who uses an infatuated Tony to make her longtime crush jealous. Each character’s viewpoint shows them all all completely deluded as to what the other players think of them and to their nefarious intentions. Tony is the most misguided, believing that he and Alexandria are destined for marriage and that Fontaine is oblivious as to how many (surprisingly eager?) women he is having it off with. 

The most disturbing element of the book for us, given that it was condemned by Barbara Cartland for being ‘Filthy, disgusting and unnecessary’ was WHERE WAS THE SEX?! Glossed over like a piddling trifle, that’s where it was. Doesn’t Jackie know that this is why we read the damn thing in the first place? Do tell Jackie, what IS the proper way to bump uglies in a lift? We will never know as our dear author has neglected to inform us. Throughout the book we were tempted by orgies, threesomes…yoga- only for the reader to be reeled in by the warm up, then crushingly disappointed by the phrase ‘when it was over’. She finishes off by telling us ‘it was wild, Daddy-o’. Was it Jackie? We wouldn’t know, evidently we weren’t there. 

Bookclub Ladies!
Bookclub Ladies!

As it was written in ’69 (eh? eh?), the language and tone of the book is horrifically dated- sexual assault is treated with the casual ease of a weekly shop, with Tony informing us at one point that he could completely understand why an actress was gang raped by soldiers in her latest film – charming. The clubs were swinging, the Bristols (or at one point she actually uses the word boobies) were ‘lovely and floppy’, and the weed in that time was obviously some proper chronic as they all appeared to be tripping balls whenever it was mentioned. It was funky, swinging and wild, maaaaaan. 

Would we read another Jackie Collins? We all supposed so, providing we were on holiday in a rental home in Cornwall looking for some smut and it was the only thing on the shelf – which I suppose is how most people come across our Jackie, and that’s alright after all, isn’t it? 

Written by Rosie Mitchell